It's been a while...okay, a good while, I know. I've really been slipping but God has been placing so many different things on my heart lately and pushing me to get back into posting to my blog. So starting today, no more excuses! I am rededicated to posting to my blog once a week! (Now hold me accountable people =)
So this morning, my boyfriend of two years called me on his way to work. We talked for a few minutes and then he prayed over us for the day and he hung up and continued his drive to work and I rolled over to go back to sleep. However, I found myself just up...and I felt God speaking to me about this blog...he told me to reflect on my relationship and write down what I have learned thus far in my relationship with James...so here it is! No rhyme, reason, or order to this list, I'm just writing it down as it comes to me...so here we go!
1) ALWAYS BE WILLING TO LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP
Interesting way to start, huh? Well, this probably has been my most recent, but most fulfilling, revelation I've had in our relationship. As Christians, there should never be anything more in this life that we want more than Christ...if we do, that thing, person, job, or whatever is an idol in our lives. Now, I know you may be like, "but I don't worship my boyfriend, I just love him and when you love somebody you spend time with them." True, but how much time are you spending with God? Are you more willing to sacrifice your time with Christ to spend time with your boyfriend than you are to do the opposite? Does the thought of breaking up scare you? If so, then honey, that person is an idol in your life and you need to check yourself about them now.
It took me a while...but I finally started praying the prayer that so many people will tell you changes your life. I prayed "Lord, remove anyone in my life you have not ordained to be in it. Close all doors that need to be closed and open all doors that you want opened." Now, did this scare me? YES! I had already invested so much into my relationship with James, to think that it could just end in a blink of an eye kinda sucked. But then I realized...there is no safer place to be than in the will of God. So if being with James is not God's will for my life, I know He'll make it easy for me to let it go and that there's something much better in store. Well, you see we're still together right? ;) But even to this day I pray that prayer. As much as James and I talk about the future, it's always qualified by, if it's God's will. So that prayer has become a lot easier. At the end of the day, I know that the only thing that truly matters in my life and my happiness is Christ. So whether I have a boyfriend or not, I will always have everything that I need. (Now, God knows I desire to be married so I don't worry about being single forever or anything either.) And I know that God loves me wayyyyy too much to just allow pain in my life so I can trust that whatever He's up to it's something better than any of my plans.
2) LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HARD
Now, let me step on my soapbox for a minute...
James and I have been together for 2 years. In those two years, I can count on one hand how many arguments we've had. There has never been any drama. We have never allowed the sun to go down on our wrath (aka went to bed angry). And we have truly fallen in love over and over again throughout our relationship. Sounds like a fairy tale? Well guess what...it's not. This is how God intended for our relationships to be! This is what bothers me so much about Today's pop-culture and media. It glamorizes drama, struggles, and heartache in a relationship! I mean, where are the shows about a happy couple without any manipulation or deceit in trying to get the other to do what they want to do or without any trust issues or any of that crap?! God wants our relationships to be another reflection of His love for us...and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that God's love, agape love, has no deceit, lying, or drama in it at all. I mean, really, how can we watch these shows and fall in love with these TERRIBLE relationships. Scandal, for example, Olivia Pope is a sad woman, in every sense of the word. And women have the nerve to desire a life like that?! WHAT?!?! Talk about our eyes being blinded by Satan! You're desiring heartache and pain and suffering! All things Christ died for so that we wouldn't have to experience. God's desire for your life is to have a fulfilling relationship with Him at the center, without any mess. And yes, sacrifice is a part of being in a relationship but you should NEVER have to give up part of yourself for someone else. I was always told that your spouse and you will have aligned purposes...so if for some reason "making it work" requires too much sacrifice on either end, then I urge you to pray the prayer in #1 and see if God keeps that person in your life.
Okay, now that I got that out...I'm not saying James and I have this perfect, fairy tale relationship, because we don't. All relationships take work but we're willing to work at it. And when we do, keeping Christ and prayer at the center of our relationship, it is just so easy to avoid all the drama and just enjoy the love and friendship that we have. Which brings me to my next point...
3) 90% OF WHAT YOU THINK IS WRONG WITH YOUR BOO, IS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH YOU
Now, before you go getting defensive...I urge you to try this approach and see how it works for you. I can almost guarantee that you will be happier. I remember reading something from Heather Lindsey, I believe, about relationships and she said that instead of praying for God to change someone else, ask God to help you deal with the situation or person more like He would. WOOH. I was at a point in my relationship where I was constantly thinking about things I wanted James to do differently in certain situations and just stirring up discontentment in my heart (shame on me.) So this was an on time word. I went to God and just told him everything that I was feeling, but instead of complaining, I asked him to help me love James and see James more like He loves and sees James. I also asked God to show me how I can be a better girlfriend and wow...that changed my whole perspective at that point. I have known for a while now that only God can change a person so there's no point in trying to change someone else but it wasn't until that moment that I truly decided to begin changing myself. I meditated on scriptures that helped my development such as "a soft answer turns away wrath" and be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger" and I became so much happier in my relationship. I want to point out too that as women we have a lot of power in the relationship. The bible talks about how a wife can lead her husband to the Lord by her lifestyle and how she interacts with him. It's all about perspective. You can choose to be discontent over things you can't change or you can choose to be happy and change the things you can change in yourself.
4) WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, TAKE IT TO GOD FIRST...
So I realized at one point in our relationship that I was becoming a nag (inserts dramatic DUN DUN DUHNN and screams). Then God showed me that nagging doesn't produce anything fruitful in a relationship. So, I believe it was Heather again, who ministered to me by saying to pray for your mate earnestly, not in anger or bitterness, but in love. This is one way that you may realize the truth in #3, but it also WORKS. I remember feeling like James wasn't as romantic as he used to be and I wasn't feeling appreciated so I prayed to God just that he would show both of us how to better meet the others needs. I promise you within a week God answered that prayer and has been ever since. I have such a romantic man ;) Now, if I had gone to James complaining about how he didn't appreciate me I'm positive the outcome wouldn't have been the same. There is so much amazing power in keeping God at the center of your relationship. Wooh, He's good.
Okay, that's I have for now. I hope this has blessed you in some way. This felt so good...I can't wait to post again next week! Love you all! <3
Sidenote: For anyone struggling with sexual purity, I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend reading Pure Heart by Shellie R. Warren. This book breaks some serious chains...even if you're not struggling... I recommend you read it! It's a life changer!
