Wednesday, June 4, 2014

He Who Findeth a Wife...How to Be Found by Your Man

Hello all! I know, it's been a while...and I can't say the whole time was me waiting on God for my next post (although at least a good week of it was lol) I've also been crazy busy trying graduating (PRAISE HIM)  I retract my promise to write every week lol I now realize that was wishful thinking...but I am committing to post more. So, I'm back again...with another relationship focused post. I hope you all get just as much out of this post as you did the last one...make me invisible Daddy...okay, let's do this!

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing" -Proverbs 18:22

Now the preceding scripture is one we all know and love as women with our romantic hearts and desire to be loved. We want to be that "good thing." So much so that we take that phrase and run with it sometimes without thinking about whether or not you actually are a "good thing" or not. Now before I lose you, let's think about this scripture logically.

First and foremost it begins with "HE who finds," not "she who wears him down," or "she who makes sure she sits by him every Sunday in church," or even "she who finds." So BIBLICALLY, ladies, you should NEVER be pursuing a man. It's his job to find you and no, he does not need your help. So obviously, the first part of the scripture is talking to men. So you may be thinking now, well this scripture is talking to men, I thought you were writing to the ladies. Well, a little meditation on this scripture will prove that it is speaks a lot to women as well.

So let's talk about it. How to be found by your man:

BE A WIFE

Notice that Proverbs 18:22 does not say "He who finds a girlfriend," or "He who finds a dime piece" (do people still say dime piece? lol), or even "He who finds a 'lady'". It says "He who finds a WIFE." Which means that to be found, you should exude wifely characteristics. Now, if you know me, you know that I do not mean that you need to know how to cook and clean and be your husband's maid. Being a woman in general goes way beyond those primitive gender roles. But what is does mean is that you are able to take care of yourself and are willing to take care of your husband and kids (if that's your desire). It means you are NOT LAZY. As we all know, Proverbs 31 is a pristine example of a Godly woman and wife and if you read it you will see that she was FAR from a lazy woman. She had a purpose and took it seriously and worked hard to get her life and family in order.

So many women desire to be married but when you look at your life and your heart, do you really desire to be a wife right now, or do you just want to be a bride. Are you willing to share your life with another. To make sacrifices and most importantly, are you truly willing and ready to SUBMIT to and be LED by your man. I've noticed that many women in my generation are not about any form of submission or letting go of any power. And it makes sense, we grew up in the independent woman era where we were told we don't need a man. But if you want to be married, you do hunny. And God created the husband and wife relationship to enrich our lives. Submission is not intended to belittle you as a person or to give a man the right to walk all over you. It's purpose is to give you covering and protection from having to deal with large life decisions and tasks on your own. There's so much beauty in submission when it's done the RIGHT WAY. (Heather Lindsey has a great blog post on submission that goes in deeper on the subject! Check it out here: http://www.heatherllindsey.com/2011/10/submission-girl-please.html#.U49SjPldWSo)

So this is an area that we as women need to work on in ourselves BEFORE we get married so that we can avoid that problems that come as a result of not understanding this.

HAVE STANDARDS

Contrary to popular belief, a real man likes to be the chaser. So you may be pursued by numerous men within your single season. So, how do you know that he's the one? How do you know whether God sent him or if he's just a distraction?  Well, first, you have to have standards!! You shouldn't entertain every Tom. Bob, and Harry that gives you a little bit of attention. Not only is it distracting you from your purpose but it is also lowering your worth. A real man, a Godly man, doesn't want to be with a woman who's dated everyone he knows. It also makes it more likely that you'll get into a wrong relationship that will end in heartbreak, prolonging the time you meet your husband because you need to be healed from that relationship before He can put you in the one He's ordained for you. Like I said in my last post, God doesn't want trust issues and drama in our relationships, so He'll wait until you're ready.



I always learned, and now suggest, that you have a list of non-negotiables in what characteristics you want your husband to have. Allow the Lord to lead you in making this list, of course, but have fun with it! But honest with yourself about the things you really want your husband to have! And then PRAY ON THESE THINGS. I began praying for my husband when I was 16 years old. Ask God for the things on the list, pray over his health, his career, his purpose, his family. Not only will you see the fruit of your prayers when you get together, but this will also help keep you FOCUSED. When some guy comes along and tries to get your attention. You can compare him with your list and know right away whether he's a distraction or not. Also, you will have PEACE about the relationship. My first serious relationship was with a guy who literally treated me like a queen but I was SO UNHAPPY in the relationship. I knew deep down inside that is could not last because I didn't trust him enough to lead me AND he was missing a few things off my list. At the time I was like, "well, he's pretty close, those really weren't super important anyway." Come to find out, they really were and I now see that I compromised and it led to a whole lot of drama that I could have avoided had I just stuck with my standards. Have faith and know that God is faithful to give you everything your heart desires! You don't have to compromise!!

BE A GOOD THING

"A woman should be a man's sanctuary." When I first read this quote, it just hit my heart and sat on it! So much so that I posted it on my facebook and guess who the majority of the people were who liked it...MEN!!! Ladies, men recognize the power we have on them! Why do you think so many married men will constantly say "happy wife, happy life?" We are to be our man's good thing. So this is where you need to check yourself about whether or not you are a good thing. Sanctuary is defined as a place of refuge or safety. It is often referenced as a place of peace. So do you add peace to the lives of those around you? Or do you bring trust issues, or neediness, or nagging, or strife into people's lives? Calling these things out in your single season will make your relationship go so much smoother!

I Corinthians 7:34 says "The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband". Pray and ask God to show you the areas of yourself that you need to work on or surrender over to Him to become holy in body and spirit. From my experience, once you truly start focusing on God and making yourself better through Him, He'll send your man your way. (Just make sure he meets your standards before you go planning a life with him in your head ;)



So that's all my friends! Thanks so much for reading! I know this was a long one but it also was a long time coming. By the way, I'm moving to Houston, TX in 12 days!! Please keep me in your prayers that I have a smooth transition into this next phase in my life! I'll be praying for you all as well. =)