So what's been on my heart to write about is Seasons of Separation...maybe just because I'm in one right now but I believe that many of you will get something out of this. While I am talking about separation from a relationship standpoint, I am also talking to singles because in may ways, your singleness is a season of separation from your mate as well.
As many of you who are at least Facebook friends with me know, my boo-thang has answered the call on his life to join the US Air Force Reserves. While I am extremely proud of him and excited that he took this step in his life this season has been DIFFICULT for me. For those who are unfamiliar with how entering the military works, the first 8 weeks are spent in Basic Military Training in which you have minimal contact with your loved one...and by minimal I mean 2 phone calls during the entire 8 week process (technically it's 3 but the first one is scripted so I don't count it) and you can write letters (which actually can be kinda romantic or whatever...lol). James is my best friend and that first week, going from talking to him all day every day to not at all, was extremely hard for me! So I did the only thing I could do which was seek God on the situation and ask Him what He wanted me to get out of this season...here's what I learned:
SEASONS OF SEPARATION HELP YOU GAIN CLARITY ON YOUR CALLING AND YOUR PURPOSE.
After James left, the biggest thing the Lord showed me was how focused I had become on spending time with James and forgot about all the other things God had called me to do. Which is so easy to do in relationships. When I was a Pinky Promise rep, I used to always tell my girls, relationships are WORK. You are (or at least should be) constantly trying to make your relationship better, thinking about the other person, learning the other person, learning yourself, etc. and that can make you lose focus of YOUR big picture. When you are forced to step outside of your relationship and get all that time back that you typically spent with bae, you will probably feel a little empty. Why? Because while yes, our relationships are a major part of our personal ministries, it is not the ultimate purpose God has for our lives. Once you are isolated, just you and God, and it is the perfect time to really learn yourself, your passions, and what is is that God has placed you on this earth for.
SEASONS OF SEPARATION SURFACE INSECURITIES AND FORCE YOU TO DEAL WITH THEM
You think you trust your boo? Spend months on in end in different states and see how you feeling. Separation is the ultimate test of trust and it's not enough to just say, yeah I got trust issues and allow them to fester and corrode your relationship. This is your opportunity to dig into your past to determine the root of your issues, face them, give them over to God, and move forward. Since it was 3 years into our relationship when James left, I knew I could trust him but man I did not expect to discover so many of my own insecurities and things I never really dealt with in my past to surface. But what better time to deal with those things. In relationships we end up dumping so much of that onto our boyfriends (or girlfriends, since I know some men read my blog too - shoutout to yall lol) and they can't do a doggone thing about our issues. It could bring you closer but oftentimes it just creates unnecessary issues in your relationship which is why while in a season on separation you should use the time you have to totally surrender those things to God, allow Him to heal you from the inside out, so that when you are reunited, you are able to come to the relationship whole and without all that emotional baggage.
Sidenote: An awesome book for women on dealing with our insecurities as God created us is Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. I HIGHLY recommend it! It's a game changer.
GIVES YOU TIME TO PERSONALLY DEVELOP FOR THE NEXT SEASON IN YOUR LIFE
So James and I are planning on getting married soon (surprise! lol). So in this season God told me that I needed to prepare to be a wife. Now, as a quasi-feminist, I do not mean I needed to learn how to cook and clean so that I can wait on my husband hand and foot when we get married - James and I both know that I am not about that basic gender role life and that we will be sharing these duties once we become man and wife. HOWEVER, what God has been teaching me is BALANCE. Meaning, yes, I need to be able to cook, clean up, be a good steward of my finances, work, and exercise! First of all, if I can't even take care of myself, how in the world do I plan on having a family? Second of all, it's part of being a good steward of what He's given you. The bible says to whom much is given, much is required (Luke 12:48), and that He gives to each person according to their abilities (Matthew 25:15) so if you can't even take care of just you, why should God trust you with more? While separated you have time to build a routine that will help you remain balance one reunited with your boo and ultimately once you're married.
BMT Graduation Weekend
ULTIMATELY WILL BRING YOU CLOSER
If your relationship is ordained by God and you all are following His will for your lives, seasons of separation should ultimately bring you all closer. If you are single, your season of separation should be bringing your closer to your next season in your life! The beauty in all the preceding points is that they allow you to bring more to your relationship without the putting the weight of your personal development on the other person. More than anything, time apart should give you clarity on whether or not this is the relationship for you. (If you are questioning your relationship, check out my previous post "Lessons I've Learned from my Relationship".) It has truly been amazing how much more I've fallen in love with James during these past 6 months. We appreciate each other more, we've both grown more into our purposes, and both bring a lot more to the relationship then before he left.
For those who may be in some sort of season of separation, be encouraged! I'm not saying it will be easy, but don't waste this opportunity for development sulking in your loneliness. Most likely God has brought you to this season for a reason and getting to the purpose of this season will make it go by a lot faster!
Love yall and are praying for you!
For those who may be in some sort of season of separation, be encouraged! I'm not saying it will be easy, but don't waste this opportunity for development sulking in your loneliness. Most likely God has brought you to this season for a reason and getting to the purpose of this season will make it go by a lot faster!
Love yall and are praying for you!
